


Not Enough

by deliberatemistake



Series: Sungjong And Stars [6]
Category: Infinite - Fandom, Sungjong - Fandom, seo kangjoon - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-28
Updated: 2017-05-28
Packaged: 2018-11-05 18:52:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11019456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deliberatemistake/pseuds/deliberatemistake
Summary: Kangjun is not enough...





	Not Enough

The jungle.

Sungjong gives Kangjun the wristband, but takes away a lot more.

“I like being by myself.”

“I once watched a movie by myself.”

It’s like heaven has sent them down to find each other. It’s like a minuscule orchestra has sprung to life, growing louder with every beat of Kangjun’s heart.

“We should get to know each other.”

“Yes, we should.”

Knagjun feels like he’s known Sungjong forever.

 

Back in Seoul.

They meet up after the show, a nice cozy little get-together with Chansung and Seolhyun. Here, there are no cameras and he doesn’t need to pretend he and Seolhyun has a thing. In fact, he doesn’t even remember seeing Seolhyun because Sungjong is sitting opposite him and when he talks, when his lips move in an alluring way, everything else disappears.

The room in front of him is distorted after a few bottles have been popped and done away with. Everything else is blurred, the lights are hazy, but Sungjong is glowing like a thousand stars.

He wants to hold his hand but Sungjong gives him a sweet smile that’s friendly, just friendly. “We’re friends,” it says.

 

Life’s a little slow sometimes.

The more he finds out about Sungjong, the more beautiful he gets in Kangjun’s eyes. They go for a walk and the way Sungjong picks up a lost puppy, with so much care and tenderness and pure, blissful kindness that Kangjun feels like a horrible human being even though he hasn’t done any unspoken evil. The way Sungjong talks about his parents, his brother, his fans, even his pastor stumps him. How can a person be so sweet and possess so much love for everyone? He can’t believe it because he has never met anyone like him.

When rain starts to fall, Sungjong holds an umbrella above their heads and talks about how he loves the rain. It’s sad that Sungjong is in love with the rain because Kangjun is most definitely in love with Sungjong. It’s a love triangle that he doesn’t know what to do with because his friend thinks of him as just that – a friend.

The mellow depression continues until he realizes that Sungjong actually thinks of him as more than just a friend.

 

It’s not the same.

“You’re like a brother to me.”

The room falls into a slow spin, causing him to become dizzy and unbalanced. Somehow he falls into a chair and tries to understand what Sungjong could have possibly meant. It’s so simple, but so inexplicable. Kangjun desperately hopes there is some other explanation.

He desperately hopes that when Sungjong hugs him and holds him for too long, it’s because his heart is also dancing to the same tune as his. When Sungjong says goodbye but still stands for a few seconds before turning the key in his door, it’s a silent invitation for Kangjun to stay the night. He wants to believe that Sungjong messages him about the littlest things because he wants to share every moment of his life with him.

And yet, the truth is far from what he had imagined.

“You’re like a brother to me.”

His smile is crooked in pain.

 

Them boys.

Kangjun stares hard, lips pursed and arms crossed expectantly. It’s Sungyeol’s birthday and somehow he has ended up coming, on Sungjong’s invitation of course. But now that he thinks about it, it was a bad idea. Myungsoo is a bit too close to Sungjong for comfort, Woohyun has his arm around the maknae’s waist, and Sunggyu is trying too hard to make him laugh.

He waits for the moment Sungjong would dump his hyungs and come and say hi. He watches him like a hawk as the birthday boy joins the group, mussing Sungjong’s hair and whispering something in his ear that makes him laugh. Kangjun doesn’t like this at all.

If he is like a brother to Sungjong, what about the other INFINITE members? Are they different to brothers? When Woohyun pulls Sungjong into his lap or Myungsoo hugs him from the back, is it different? Granted, they have known each other for 8 years at least but the connection he feels with Sungjong, do the other guys feel the same? Does Sungjong feel the same?

He sneaks out of the party, no one notices; not even Sungjong. To say he is disappointed is an understatement. It’s unfair for him to be mad at Sungjong because he does his best to protect their friendship – they have grown closer than he thought was possible for him. It’s just that Sungjong doesn’t want anything more from their relationship, but Kangjun does.

The kind of fantasy that he’s afraid will never come true.

 

Is it what I think it is?

“Do you want to go watch Sunggyu hyung’s musical?”

Kangjun knows that Sungjong is not really into musicals and Elvis Presley is a foreign concept to him. He wonders why he would want to watch a musical with him. It almost sounds like…a date. But he knows the reality as it stands like the back of his hand and this is not a date.

“I have two tickets,” the young man prods farther.

Even as his wonder grows why Sungjong is asking him to go to a musical with him, he despairs at the black hole their situation is – how Sungjong would never feel the way he feels about him.

“On one condition, we go for a meal afterwards.”

“Sure, we always have food when we meet,” Sungjong replies nonchalantly.

“No, I mean dinner at a restaurant. A proper restaurant. Like a …like a date.” He’s said it and there’s no taking it back. Pressing his lips together, he scans the other’s face eagerly.

Sungjong does the next worst thing to slapping him – he laughs. He laughs dismissively as if Kangjun has just cracked the funniest joke. That’s all it is to him – his love is a joke.

“See you tomorrow at 5.30. You’re driving.”

 

Between Elvis and me, there’s you.

The time Sungjong spends watching Sunggyu on stage, Kangjun spends it watching Sungjong. He has a beautiful side profile and even in the dim light of the theatre, he seems to glow faintly. He wonders if it only appears to him that way or can everyone feel the aura around the boy, the fatally attractive air. The songs make a great background for the movie he is filming in his mind, with him and Sungjong as the main and only characters. It’s a blissful experience, to be able to watch his object of affection without interruption, the darkness masking the obvious adoration on his face.

Afterwards, they go to a posh Italian restaurant, newly opened. He has chosen it carefully. They get a private booth. Looking around sheepishly, Sungjong leans forward and says, “I feel terribly underdressed. You should have told me we’re coming here.”

“I said it was a proper date,” Kangjun shrugs. “Besides, I think you’re making everyone else here insecure about themselves.”

Sungjong rolls his eyes. They order expensive pasta and while there is a lull in their conversation, Kangjun steels his heart and reaches out for Sungjong’s left hand under the table. He clasps his hand, intertwining his fingers with his.

Mid-bite, Sungjong looks at him questioningly. His heart is thundering. He doesn’t know where this newfound courage has come from. He holds his hand tighter and sweat starts to blossom under his fringe.

“Do-do you think I’m handsome?” he blurts out.

There is a quizzical expression on Sungjong’s face but he nods.

“Handsome enough that you’d want to date me?” Drumrolls in his ear and he can barely keep his hand from shaking.

“What’s wrong? Seolhyun turned you down?”

It’s not Seolhyun I want – he wants to say but it is pretty obvious that his friend is not taking him seriously. It’s all a big joke to him. He is a joke.

“What do you want? What can I do to make you love me?” To his surprise, his voice sounds choked with tears. Something warm and wet touches his cheeks and he wonders if the desperation has made him cry. It’s like he’s thinking out aloud. And yet Sungjong is here, sitting right across from him, looking as poised as ever.

“Kangjun…” There is a look of distress on his face, like he doesn’t know how to respond. Things are just whirling out of control and Kangjun feels it’s all his fault. The world creaks and groans with the injustice of it all.

“Sungjong I love you, and not like a brother or a friend.” Tears come more readily now and he doesn’t know what he’s hoping for – Sungjong’s sympathy?

“But-but that’s not right.”

Sungjong’s lips are trembling slightly and he looks ashen. Everything looks bleak as he looks at him. There’s nothing there. Nothing at all.

“There must be something,” he says, more to convince himself than anything else. “You must feel something for me. We are soulmates.”

“We are friends.” Sungjong’s voice is firmer than it needs to be. It seems like the transient period of confusion is gone and he has made up his mind. “We are friends Kangjun, that’s what we are.”

At that moment, it makes sense. Maybe because he was too busy looking at Sungjong to notice who Sungjong was looking at.

“And Sunggyu hyung?”

Sungjong’s eyes flash angrily – he has touched a nerve. His gaze is icy and he is biting down on his lips hard. Wringing his hand out of his grip, he throws the fork down and dabs his mouth with the end of his napkin.

“What is he to you? Sunggyu hyung?” Kangjun repeats, knowing that the answer would break his heart. But he is already in pieces and maybe it will be easier to forget him if he draws out something cruel, something worth hating.

Sungjong’s lips curl, his eyes are cold. His tone like poison.

“Something you’ll never be.”


End file.
